Tag: reccovery

Nine lives & second chances

When I recount stories of the many adventures and misadventures throughout my life, I feel as though I have lived several lives in this one lifetime. No one life could possibly hold so many twists and turns, experiences, and transformations. Yet here I am, getting another second chance at life.

Seven months ago, I thought my life was over, or would at least change drastically for the worse. It has changed, not for the worse, not for the better, just different. I feel like I’ve been having a very slow-motion close-call. My life didn’t flash before my eyes as it did when I was hit by a car on my motorcycle, it’s more of a slow-parade of memories and feelings passing through my brain.

I have been slowly emerging from a cocoon of shock. I currently struggle with bouts of survivor guilt, having read so many personal accounts of others with much more aggressive, destructive, and often times fatal brain tumors. I somehow lucked out as far as brain tumors go, as Bob is just chilling up there not growing or causing a ruckus. For an uninvited guest, he is very well behaved.  Maybe just a wake up call after all.

The question begs, what do I do with this precious second chance?

I’m not exactly sure, and if I was sure, I’m sure I’d change my mind!  For now though, I am re-evaluating what matters to me and rearranging how I live to come into alignment with that.

Step one is to return to South Florida to spend time reconnecting with my family. Besides, what better time than winter to go from Colorado to South Florida?

Step two doesn’t matter yet, I’m not there.  A personal dream is evolving as I am letting go of the fear I’ve always had of not succeeding, not achieving, of never being or having “enough.” I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know it is fabulous, and I will embrace every ounce of joy and love that comes my way!

This life will not be wasted nor regretted! Bring it ON.

Remember, more will be revealed…

Dawn

The dirty work.

I am so happy to be officially off my medical leave and back at work!  I was able to transfer from Payroll & Accounting to Animal Care at the animal welfare organization that I have worked at for the past year.  I have received some amusing comments/questions and confused looks from my co-workers who know me as the lady who does payroll.  One told me that I finally decided to come down and get my hands dirty.  Well, that’s what the gloves are for, my hands stay perfectly clean. The rest of me I can’t comment on, but let’s just say that I take all my clothes off as soon as I walk into my house!  I have gone from business casual in a cubicle to khakis and a t-shirt cleaning animal kennels, and they all want to know why. Wednesday, I was even congratulated and thanked for making it through my first day without quitting!

I love my new position, with the exception of starting at 6am.  I haven’t had nearly enough coffee by 6am!  I’m so busy cleaning kennels and feeding the critters, that I only notice the passage of time by my hunger for lunch.  I am definitely getting a work-out.  I’m learning a lot about the different animals, and myself.  For instance, in just two days time, I am now pretty much terrified of chihuahuas. Ok, only the scared or angry ones.  Also, small breed dogs seem to poop a lot more than the big guys . I’m pretty sure that a great-dane snuck into a little terrier’s kennel last night just to go poop.

With all the scrubbing and hosing and chasing of dogs (oh yeah, I’ve had three escapees in two days), I don’t have any time to think of brain tumor Bob.  Except when I think to myself, “huh, I’m not thinking about the brain tumor” or when someone stops me to ask why I decided to work in Animal Care instead of Accounting. The appropriate answer to that question is NOT, “I have a brain tumor, took some time off, then decided that I’d rather work in a less mentally stressful environment and interact with the animals so that I don’t think about my brain tumor all day.”  It makes people uncomfortable.  Which can sometimes be fun. 😉

Six days until my next MRI, but who’s counting?

I think back to when I quit drinking alcohol 18 years ago and remember how obsessed I was about NOT drinking, every day, for months and months.  Eventually, not drinking became my new normal, it was no longer an “issue” that I struggled with.  That experience led me to a faith that I never wanted or considered before. The faith that I have gained gives me hope that there will come a time when I am not obsessed with having a brain tumor, and that I will get to another new normal.

Thank you for reading.  More will be revealed…

Love,

Dawn