I have to be honest, I used to flat out hate the prayer of St. Francis. Do you know that one? It’s all about being nice and helping others, disregarding my own ego. Are you kidding me?
I didn’t grow up with any religion, and first heard and read this prayer when I got into recovery for my alcoholism. That was NOT what I wanted to hear, let alone aspire to feel/believe/follow. I just wanted to feel better, and wanted to be the one being understood, consoled, pardoned, and loved. I felt that I had nothing to give to anyone else, I was all tapped out.
It has been a challenging journey since then, with one AFGO after another. (AFGO = Another F’ing Growth Opportunity) A journey to understand myself, learning to accept love, forgiving myself and others. I began to pray, not out of faith, but out of pure desperation, to be relieved of my misery. I followed (and continue to follow) a path laid out before me by others who walked a similar path and who were more content and joyful than I thought would ever be possible for me. I eventually came to believe that it was possible to choose joy and serenity regardless of outside conditions. Not that I always make that choice (I am a stubborn human being after all, just ask my mom!)
I am grateful for all of the experiences that I have had, and for my commitment to the recovery journey, for without it, I would be lost at sea with no compass right now. I have had years of developing my faith, years of retrospect that prayers do work (whether one refers to them as sending positive vibes, good energy, tapping into the power of the Universe, etc.) and that God’s plan is always way bigger and better than any of my own plans or expectations.
Any bit of grace or inspiration that I have or can offer as I walk, crawl, or cry through this situation, comes from my faith in One much greater than I, which I believe is deep inside every one of us.
I have the prayer of St. Francis taped above my computer where I can see it, read it, and pray it with earnest every day. It brings me peace, as I pray to shine a little light into the darkness.
Thank you for reading. More will be revealed…