It’s been one month and 4 days since finding out that I have a brain tumor. So far, I’ve had two doctors bring my MRI’s to tumor boards for consultation with neuro-oncology specialists in the last two weeks, and then fail to follow up with me. That is perhaps a good sign, maybe in the realm of brain tumors, mine’s not an urgent case. In my realm, however, it feels pretty damn urgent. This isn’t the first brain tumor the neuro-oncologists have seen, but it is my first and it’s in MY head. I like my brain-stem, and I hear it’s pretty important.
For the past month, I have had an amazing opportunity to move towards acceptance, faith, and patience. In between complete and total melt-downs, bouts of hysterical laughter, and unexpected anxiety attacks. It’s quite amazing how quickly I move in and out of detachment from or denial of my emotions. I am in continual flux between wanting to find escape though any form of immediate gratification, and embracing my current reality. I often don’t recognize what I am feeling or how I am coping with my feelings until hours after the shift.
Remembering to breath has been a big deal. Thank you to several friends who remind me of this on a daily basis. When I become consciously aware of my breath, I come back into my body in the present moment. In the present moment is where I find connection to the source of life deep within. In the present moment, I am in perfect health and peace. Plus, perhaps good ‘ol Bob doesn’t like oxygen in his galaxy. F.YOU BOB.
More will be revealed…