I guess this is time to practice being comfortable in the unknown and letting go of the story.
My entourage and I sat in the neurosurgeon’s office yesterday afternoon learning a great deal about these fascinating pictures of the brain. He used words like bifurcation and hydrocephalus, and pointed out little passageways and cranial nerves. It was truly amazing. I wrote a lot of words down but now when I try to look them up, I spelled most of them so incorrectly that my spell-check is permanently damaged.
Watching the doctor whirl through these images and explain the nooks and crannies was so cool. it was like being on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Then life would come into bitter-sharp focus and I would say to myself, “that’s MY brain and MY brain tumor he’s discussing,” and suddenly the lint on my sweatshirt was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen.
I would lean in, eyes wide open, and say, “wow, really, you can just remove the temporal part of the skull and stick a big needle right through the brain, scoop some of that tumor out, pop a drain in for that extra fluid, and close it back up?” That’s SO cool…. oh shit, that’s MY brain we are talking about. And then the list of risks, which I am not listing here, thank you very much.
This dude will present my case to his team of specialists when they meet again in two weeks.
Next step: meeting a Neuro-Oncologist on Monday (she’s coming in special for me on her day off!), schedule a full-body PET scan and spinal cord MRI. If this damn leach started anywhere else, then they can biopsy that spot first to see what it is and skip the whole big needle-through-my-brain part. Then again, that would also mean that I have a metastasizing cancer, which I’ve heard really sucks the big one. At any rate the neuro-onc will also present my case to her team. And… you know, more will be revealed…
So, I get to do my best to keep both feet and mind in today, and not hop on that future train. Right now, I am healthy, and the only thing hurting is my stupid sprained wrist! Damn, life is good, ya’ll!
Thanks for reading along.